WHY PHONE SEX?

In our current wold when touch becomes a dangerous luxury we can find new ways to stay erotically connected and sexually expressed.
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My guest blogger, Linda Poelzl, will share some new ways to express ourselves through phone sex. Linda has worked as a public speaker, writer, and coach in the field of human sexuality since 1990. She is a Surrogate partner, a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, and a Somatic Couples Coach.
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For more information about her work, visit her website: https://www.waterdragonwoman.com.

Why Phone Sex?

When there are so many ways to communicate with one another, you may wonder why I’m inviting you and your lover to explore phone sex. The simple answer to that question is: more pleasure.

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How? Some of you may have experimented with blindfolding a partner. This simple act temporarily takes their sense of sight “offline.” And do you recall what you discovered when you started to touch them? My guess is that they became aware of heightened sensation in other areas of their bodies, particularly the places you touched. If you enjoyed teasing them, the sensation may have become even more intense, if that was where you were heading. In short, taking one sense away increases the awareness of other senses.
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And that, my fellow erotic adventurers, is what we can do with phone sex. By removing sight, we become more open to our other senses, particularly hearing, and also touch, taste and smell. It’s an opportunity to thrill each other with our voices and what we are saying and “doing” during the call. For those of us who are very visual, I invite you to go more deeply into the world of sound that becomes available to you and your partner.

Starting with the Basics- Preparing for the Call

Prepare your space. Be sure to have everything you may need within arm’s reach, including lubricant, wet wipes, towels, water, condoms, sex toys, head set and whatever else you might need.

Allow time to relax before the call. Eat lightly. If time allows, take a warm shower. Towel off and apply moisturizing lotion to your whole body, wherever you can reach. Allow yourself to imagine that your lover is caressing your body. Feel free to be sensual.

Do gentle body stretches or movement. If you are a yoga person, warm up with Cat/Cow to loosen the spine and Child’s Pose to stretch your back and hips.

In Tantric erotic practice, we often use “The Three Keys” to increasing pleasure: breath, movement, and sound.

Begin by getting comfortable on your bed or recliner. Place your hands on your belly. As you breathe, direct your attention to the rising and falling of your abdomen. Most of us breathe high up in our chests. See if you can send this breath deep into your belly to relax and let physical and emotional tension release as you rhythmically breathe in and out. Consciously breathing into your belly allows your lower body to relax more fully. Five-ten minutes of belly breathing can noticeably change your mood.

Once you’ve gotten the rhythm of the breath, begin to gently move your body. It can be subtle at first, perhaps rocking your hips, moving your pelvis. The pelvis and jaw are connected. Tune in and notice if your jaw muscles are relaxed. Many people have tight jaw muscles. Press into tight spots in your cheeks and jaw. Find tense areas in your pelvis and massage gently while breathing “into” the area.

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Sound comes next. You may already be comfortable with vocalizing during sex. If that’s not your comfort zone, see if you can at least breathe audibly, starting with letting out sighs with your exhale. As you get comfortable, perhaps focus on bringing the breath and sound into different parts of your body. Imagine breathing into your upper chest, then your mid-section, then your pelvis, and finally your genitals and anal area. Try other sounds: humming, sighing, laughing. Notice what you feel. Be patient as you explore new territory in your body.

The Call

It’s okay to take it slowly, maybe starting with a non-erotic check-in. “How was your day?” Be sure to let your lover know that you are relaxed and in no hurry. Allow time to connect emotionally. Perhaps exchange words of love or comfort.

Spend a few minutes recapturing the positive feelings of your last lovemaking session (in-person) or phone sex session. You can go over the images and experiences and choose one or several to remind your lover about. And/or you can ask them to share a favorite “scene” from your last call.

For example, “I remember how good it felt to run my fingers through your hair. I love touching you.” See how they reply. Often they will have a favorite recollection to share with you. “Yes, and I noticed that you added intensity by grabbing handfuls of my hair and pulling gently and then more firmly. It aroused me to feel your passion coming through your fingers.”

As you are talking, feel free to touch yourself erotically as you are conversing about your past and present adventures. Keeping yourself sexually stimulated will add to the “realness” of the experience.
For example: “Just in case you are wondering, I’m stroking my vulva while we are talking about what we want to do to each other. Staying connected to my bodily sensations gets me hotter.”

You can exchange memories, allowing them to get hotter as you recall more intimate details.
For example: “I love the way you started out really slowly, at first, planting deep kisses all over my body. I was totally mesmerized. Then you suddenly surprised me with your tongue between my legs, teasing my thighs open...
They may come up with another memory or a continuation of the one you presented. Just follow the natural flow. It’s also okay, and may increase your pleasure, to tell each other what you are actually doing to your own body in “real time.”
Notice how the conversation often goes from the past recollections to the present moment.
“I’d love to touch your beautiful body. I can almost smell your delicious scent right now as I’m getting ready to spread your legs.

Erotic Undressing for Each Other

This can be either an imaginary disrobing that you are describing to each other or you can do it for real. As you tell each other to strip, try to use all of your senses:

For example: “I want you to undress for me slowly. Start with pulling up your super tight tank top. Do it slowly. I want to see you sensuously wiggling out of your clothes.”
To keep it sexy and present, ask for feedback in an erotic way.
For example: “Now your pants - see how long you can tease me before you let me see your ass. How does it feel to have me gazing at your naked body with my hungry eyes.?”

See what she/he says and play off that.
For example: “I feel so naughty imagining you watching me that my panties are getting soaked.”

Once you’ve “undressed” each other, if you desire, you can then “make love” to each other on the phone. You can start with stating the intention.
For example: “I’m so hot that want to make love to you right now. Would you like
that, Baby? Where do you want me to start?”

“Start with kissing me. I want to feel your mouth on my lips and then work your way down all over my body. I want to feel your lips on my vulva/pussy.”

Sometimes words will escape us when we get more highly aroused. Continue making sexy sounds that, hopefully, arise naturally from what you are doing with each other (or imagining doing). Remember that your voice is the only connection you have and you’ll want to keep the sexual energy going. Shout, groan, sigh, yelp, growl, pant, hum! These are all ways to emote and stay connected erotically. Have fun!

Afterglow

Be sure to leave time to check-in, connect, exchange sexy memories, ideas on how to make it even better next time, etc. This is intimate work and can evoke a variety of emotions from the happiest to some that may be more challenging. These are all opportunities to create more intimacy with your partner. Take the time to talk it out.

For more ideas on How to Keep phone sex Hot, see Bonnie Gabriel’s excellent book, “The Fine Art of Erotic Talk: How to Entice, Excite and Enchant Your Lover with Words.” Copyright 1996 by Bonnie Gabriel.

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